Life Update - December 2025
I guess I should’ve posted this one first but oh well. That’s how my life has been lately, topsy turvy.
I noticed that my last post (other than the one I just posted right before this one) was back in July 2024. It’s been over a year since I submitted one. Yikes! But in my defense, I have some legit excuses – the primary one involves my mother.
Let me give you a quick recap of everything that has happened since July 2024. First, the summer was busy with trips, taking the youngest back to college and prepping for the fall. I was also planning a retreat and my therapy practice was picking up. Then came Thanksgiving and that’s when the train started falling off the tracks.
It all started with someone getting sick. Then another and another and finally my mom. My mom has a history of respiratory issues – she gets pneumonia and bronchitis pretty easily. I get that – she’s in her 90s after all. I’m lucky she’s still around. But the cold took a nasty turn and before I could say, “Happy New Year,” Mom had been hospitalized three times in a span of two weeks.
During the course of these hospitalizations, Mom was discovered to have a life-altering disease, one that will take her life eventually. It is the same one my Dad had, so I know how this will go. The difference is because Mom was pretty healthy up until late last year and she has weekly nurse visits, the disease has not progressed that rapidly until recently. To complicate matters, Mom had a mental health episode after these hospitalizations caused by the trauma. Everything stopped – my writing, my retreat and to some extent, my practice.
My life now revolves around her medical visits, work (which I eventually picked back up) and household chores. Attempts to exercise fell by the wayside, with the exception of my daily morning walk. I get up super early to make sure I get that in. My walks have become my church. Despite that, I have been eating like no tomorrow due to the stress and have gained a lot of weight since July 2024.
A few weeks ago, I noticed Mom’s health starting to decline. She is eating less and sleeping more. Breathing is becoming more of an issue. She is under hospice care, so there’s nothing medically that can be done, but I am working on helping her emotionally. I have the blessing of having her live with us, so I’m making an effort to carve out more time just to be with her. As I watch her slowly slip away, I find myself with all these emotions that I can’t seem to find a place for. It’s one thing to guide your clients on emotions, but it’s quite another when you are in a precarious place yourself.
That brings me to writing. In the past, and as I’ve stated here, writing has always been my therapist. It has saved my life and I’m hoping it will do the same here as I watch my surviving parent and my children’s sole surviving grandparent prepare to die. Of course, death has no timeline, just like grief, but I will be surprised if she is around by this time next year. I am praying she will make it to see her last grandchild graduate college in May.
Seeing the decline of someone you love puts your life into perspective and reminds you of your own mortality. I think of Mary Oliver’s question: What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
I asked this question as my Dad was dying and then most ardently after his death. The answer led me to graduate school to become a counselor. I now find myself at the same crossroads. What is it exactly that I want to do for at least this next stage in life?
When I know the answer, I’ll let you know.
